


Time

by evakayaki



Series: Gapfillers [3]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Canon Compliant, David is just scared, David's POV, Gap Filler, Inner Dialogue, M/M, NOT written in first person, inner turmoil, takes place between 3x07 and 3x08, the calm before the storm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 14:29:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19747621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakayaki/pseuds/evakayaki
Summary: He wasn’t expecting this man to come into his life. Wasn’t expecting to fall so fast and so deep for him. He had tried to deny it, deny how Matteo made him feel, how much he wanted to be with him. But he couldn't.------David's POV (not written in first person) on what happened between him and Matteo during and after the hug in 3x07. Starts when David goes to the WG in 3x07 and goes through 3x08.





	Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is a two-part series inspired by the song, "Little Do You Know" by Alex and Sierra. I also made a video to go with it that visually tells the story I was trying to: https://youtu.be/0W8zM7wkdZ0

He felt it as soon as Matteo wrapped his arms around him. It was as if he finally, _finally_ could breathe again. He had been drowning for so long. Alone for so long.

He wasn’t expecting this man to come into his life. Wasn’t expecting to fall so fast and so deep for him. He had tried to deny it, deny how Matteo made him feel, how much he wanted to be with him. But he couldn't.

And when he got that text from Matteo, he _knew_ that it was time. He needed to tell Matteo before he fell any harder, if that was even possible. He really liked Matteo, he liked him so much that he felt that this could turn from _like_ to _love_ if he wasn’t careful.

It wasn’t fair Matteo. He knew the other boy _liked_ him, could see it in his eyes. Laura had confirmed that after Matteo had come to their apartment.

_”He’s in love with you,” She had told him as she turned from the front door to face David in the hall._

_“He’s...he’s not,” David knew Matteo had a crush on him, the other boy didn’t make it a secret even though he thought he was._

_Laura sighed, “David, I love you, but this isn’t fair to that boy.”_

_“I know,” David responded quietly, because he did know._

_“Then tell him or let him go. Let him move on,” she said sympathetically. “You can move on too.”_  
  
David didn’t want to ruin what they had. He wanted more cheese toasties, more afternoons where they could just lock themselves away from the world, more underwater kisses...David just wanted _more time_ with Matteo.

As he made his way up the wooden steps that creaked, he felt like all of that was slipping through his fingers. Once he told Matteo, there was no rewinding time. He wasn’t ready, but he was. Right after he realized there might be something between him and Matteo, he had written a note to the other boy on his phone explaining everything. It had sat in his notes for weeks, and more than once he almost deleted it.

When he saw Matteo at the front door, he froze because there he was. The first person who just saw _David_ when they looked at him. Matteo never knew that David had kept this secret locked up so tight. Matteo didn’t know that David was so terrified that he would ruin things between the two of them, that he halted it before it even really began.

But even so, he still wanted to be a part of Matteo’s life. So he expressed his feelings the only way he knew -- through art. He couldn’t say it, but he could draw it. And that’s exactly what he did. He channeled everything into making his drawings perfect, his animation took hours of agonizing before he felt ready to send it to Matteo.

And that’s when he got the response that he had been dreading. He knew it would only be a matter of time before Matteo would want something more. But he had hoped that he could play this game a little longer, keep this connection with Matteo for as long as he could.

**Stop sending me drawings if you don’t want to be together with me.**

So, here they stood looking at each other in the WG doorway. He couldn’t really even look at Matteo as he said “hey,” and walked quickly into the hallway. This was it, he was going to tell Matteo, if only he could get his voice to work.

The whole plan fell to the wayside when Matteo stepped in front of him. He wanted to kiss the other boy, wanted to pretend that this wasn’t happening. But he couldn’t. He remembered himself when his head started to angle to touch his lips to Matteo’s, and instead, he wrapped his arms around the other boy.

His heart slowly started to crack. He always heard that heartbreak felt like your heart was shattering in your chest. This was much worse. This felt like his heart was slowing being carved away from his body.

So, David allowed himself to sink into the boy’s embrace, resting his head against Matteo’s shoulder and breathing him in. He didn’t want this to be the last time he was held in these arms. He didn’t want to let go. But he didn’t know if he could. Because he’d do it tomorrow...tomorrow he was going to tell Matteo. Tomorrow this secret could ruin everything and he wasn’t prepared for that.

 _No_ , he just needed this night. This one night to _be_ Matteo’s.

As Matteo silently took his hand and led them to the bedroom, David memorized the feel of Matteo’s fingers tangled with his, how their palms fit together.

They didn’t say anything. Matteo just shucked off his pants and climbed into bed. David tentatively took off his beanie and tucked it inside his coat pocket. He glanced at Matteo, who’s eyes were following his every move, and laid on top of the blanket, using his coat to cover himself. He feared if he got under the covers with Matteo, he’d break into more pieces.

He wasn’t ready to cut Matteo with his sharp edges. _Not yet_.

He wished that he could rewind time. Just live in that moment underwater when it was just the two of them. When he had melted into the other boy’s kiss. When they could just be "David and Matteo: two boys underwater _."_

But they couldn’t. So, he’d allow himself this one small indulgence. Let Matteo comb his hair back with long fingers, trying to sooth him, comfort him maybe. David hoped that was it.

David knew that Matteo didn’t even know why he was there. They hadn’t said a word to each other since the quick greeting in the doorway and, yet, the other boy was already trying to make it okay for David. It was overwhelming to feel so much and he knew if he let Matteo continue, he wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears that he’d been constantly swallowing down.

Turning onto his side, he hugged his chest protectively. Afraid that if he didn’t anchor himself in some way, his body would betray him and he’d turn over and bury his face into Matteo’s chest and loose all of his resolve. So, he’d let Matteo hold him just for a few minutes. He’d focus on Matteo’s warm chest against his back. Focus on how protective yet gentle Matteo’s arms felt around him. Focus on how Matteo’s hands holding him might be the only thing keeping him from vibrating into nothing. Focus on anything but the pain circling the possibility of not having Matteo in his life anymore.

He _couldn’t_ think about how much he didn’t want to let this go. How much he wanted to stay in Matteo’s arms and just forget himself. Forget everything until nothing else mattered. Until everything faded away to the feel of each other’s arms holding one another in the here, now, _this_.

When he was sure that Matteo’s breathing had evened out and the boy had fallen asleep, he turned over and stared at the boy, the streetlights outside being the only thing illuminating the dark room. He memorized Matteo’s face, burning it into his mind so he could see it over and over again. If this was the last night he got to spend with the boy, he wanted to remember every detail.

He laid there until it got to be too much and sat up slowly, taking great pains not to disturb Matteo. He silently crossed to the window watching the night pass outside. He saw a couple stumbling home, arms wrapped around one another. He watched a tired looking girl with a backpack slowly walking up the street from the direction of the bus stop. A boy, probably his and Matteo’s age zoomed by, running towards the station.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, wondering how he got to this point. All he wanted was a new start, at a new school, a place where the students only knew him as David Schreibner. He was okay with being the kid who transferred mid year, right before exams. He was fine with the other students asking why he would dare do such a thing.

No one seemed to question him. He passed. He even had a few girls so obviously flirt with him, that it wasn’t even cute, it was just outright uncomfortable. The worst was Leonie, but she was nice enough. David liked talking to her and he had to admit, she was pretty and funny. He couldn’t deny that the more he got to know her, he _was_ attracted to her. But then he met Matteo, and that. was. it. He’d never met anyone who’d made him so nervous and yet so calm at the same time. He felt _free_ with him.

Taking a breath, he realized that the sun had just started to rise, filling the room with slivers of light. It didn’t take long for the whole room to be bathed in sunlight with the first sounds of Matteo stirring awake filling the air. And he knew one thing: it was time to tell Matteo.

“Awake already?”

_Yeah. It was time._

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to thank you all for your encouraging words and messages to me. I am blown away by your support. I created a tumblr just so I could answer some more messages/questions I got without doing it in the endnotes. So go find me at: evakayaki.tumblr.com


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